The Kubler-Ross model identifies five discrete stages in the grief cycle when coming to terms with any significant emotional loss: (1) denial, (2) anger, (3) bargaining, (4) depression, and (5) acceptance.[1]
Albeit chemical, dependency upon nicotine may have been the most intense and dependable relationship in our entire life.
As a smoker, unless wet and it wouldn't light, never once did puffing on a cigarette let me down. Even if a brand I hated, nicotine's "aaah" wanting relief sensation was always just seconds away.
If we smoked nicotine ten times per day and averaged 8 puffs per cigarette, that's 80 times a day that we puckered our lips up to some nasty smelling butt spewing forth more than four thousand chemicals that included hundreds of toxins, 81 of which are known to cause cancer.
What human on earth did we kiss 80 times each day? Who did we depend upon 80 times a day? How many days during our life did we think or say our name more than 80 times? Any? Imagine being closer to our addiction than our own name.
In 1982, Joel Spitzer applied the Kubler-Ross grief cycle model to the emotional journey navigated during recovery.[2] Examples of the five stages of healing include:
- Denial: "I'm not really going to quit. I'll just pretend and see how far I get."
- Anger: "Have I really had my last nicotine fix? "This just isn't fair!"
- Bargaining: "Just one puff, just once more. Two days without, I've earned it!"
- Depression: "This is never going to end." What's the use?" "Why bother?"
- Acceptance: "Hey, I'm feeling pretty good." "I can do this, this is great!"
It's important in navigating emotional recovery to not get stuck in any stage before reaching acceptance. Understanding the roots of each will hopefully foster a smoother and quicker transition.
As we review each stage, keep in mind that the Kubler-Ross's grief cycle of emotional loss is not etched in stone, nor need it occur in the order presented. One or more phases may be absent, while another gets revisited.
Obviously, it's hoped that by spending time now reflecting on denial, anger, bargaining, and depression that each can be minimized, if not avoided altogether.
In the perfect world, knowledge and understanding would allow us to skip the first four phases entirely and jump right to acceptance.
And that actually happens far more often than you might think. But if it doesn't, don't fret. You'll navigate each just fine.
References:
2. Spitzer, J, Joel's Library, Understanding the Emotional Loss Experienced When Quitting Smoking, 1982, https://whyquit.com/joel
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