"What should I call myself?"

While the exact moment of transition from use to non-use is clear, how we describe ourselves once use ends is not.

Are we an ex-user or non-user, ex-smoker or non-smoker, an ex-dipper or non-dipper? And when do we earn that title?

Regarding former smokers, the primary choice is between non-smoker and ex-smoker. Clearly, non-smoking applies as soon as use ends. We are in fact non-smokers. But there's a major distinction between being a never-smoker and non-smoker, a distinction the term non-smoker fails to declare.

Never-smokers don't have to worry about relapse. Chemical dependency has not permanently grooved and wired their brain for nicotine.

This critical distinction between non-smoker and ex-smoker applies equally to oral, nasal, and transdermal nicotine users too. If staying free is important, remembering that we're different helps protect us, a loving self-reminder of a permanent vulnerability.

While both a non-user and ex-user, even 21 years later I continue to refer to myself as an ex-smoker or former smoker when asked (mostly by doctors), as doing so reminds me that I remain just one powerful puff of nicotine away from three packs-a-day.

Initially, my mind rebelled against the thought that I wasn't fully "cured." I wanted to be like the average never-smoker. I thought I'd earned the right to hide among them.

But an article by Joel teaching this point ("What should I call myself?") compelled critical thinking. Soon resistance and disappointment passed as I found myself wanting to embrace both the term ex-smoker and the world of ex-smoker-hood.

I love my freedom. I relish residing on this side of the bars. So why wouldn't I want to remind myself of exactly what it takes to stay here?

If you want to consider yourself a non-smoker or non-user that's fine, you truly are. But be careful not to totally entrench your thinking in non-smoker-hood.

Also don't forget that certain legal documents, such as a life or health insurance policy application, may demand disclosure that we are ex-smokers. Failure to fully disclose our prior use status could later result in coverage concerns.

A related question is when should we see ourselves as being an ex-user? When do we cross the line from "trying to stop" to having done so?

It's one of the most wonderful self-realizations of our journey. It's a deeply personal moment that's different for each of us, the crossing of a self-defined threshold.

For me, it occurred when my fears subsided to the point that I knew for certain that this was for keeps, that I wasn't going back. I'd already told the world I'd stopped but the difference now was that I actually believed it.

I'd already surrendered three decades of control to inhaling this chemical. Now, even if I were diagnosed with lung cancer tomorrow, I'd take comfort in one sure-fire fact. I would not die with my true killer still circulating inside.

The time before such conviction arrived was not some preplanned dress rehearsal. Starting out, I didn't foresee some magic moment in the future where success would become certain. In fact, the most frightening moment of all was the decision to stop putting nicotine into my body.

I didn't think I could do it. I thought I would fail. Everything after that first brave step was a journey of confidence that transported me from just one moment and challenge at a time, to a deep-seeded conviction that I will never ever use nicotine again!

Anyway, if here already, welcome home! If not yet home, just one day at a time, it won't be long. And once here, never forget that we get to stay so long as we remain committed to a single guiding principle ... no nicotine today!

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