Anger is a normal and expected emotional recovery phase. It's also a way to experience the flow of missing adrenaline that was once part of our nicotine high.
Anxieties flowing from anger can also be used to intentionally fuel rage. I take no pride in recalling that I could become so nasty and create so much turmoil among those I loved, that I could convince them that I needed my cigarettes back.
But there are important distinctions between anger felt during the emotional recovery stage and using it as an adrenaline crutch, or a sick relapse ploy.
The anger phase of recovery is a period of healing where we begin to awaken to the realization that it may actually be within our ability to pull this off and succeed. It's awareness that, just maybe, our last puff, dip, chew or vape ever is already behind us.
Durable nicotine use memories flowing from captive dopamine pathways elevated that next fix to one of life's top priorities. But emotional recovery has now transported us from fear of stopping to fear of success.
Is it any wonder that anger would be the mind's reaction? It's now sinking in. Success is occurring in spite of denial. A relationship that was once high-priority really is ending. This realization can feel overwhelming.
Now, all the new ex-user requires is some excuse, any excuse, to let it all out, to vent, to turn an ant-hill into a mountain. Conflicting motivations, freedom or feed-em, risk of succeeding and fear of the unknown. Just one spark, any spark, and the uneducated ex-user stands primed to lash out.
While this high-energy phase of the emotional stage of goodbye is a normal step in recovery, the educated ex-user both recognizes anger's arrival and understands its roots. Recognition is critical as it provides a protective seed of reason inside a mind looking for a spark, a fear-driven mind poised to abandon rational thought.
If allowed, that spark may activate the body's fight or flight response, releasing a cascade of more than one hundred chemicals and hormones.
The prospect of success is not a logical reason to get mad, enraged, or fight. The educated mind knows that emotion can be contrary to our well-being and best interests. Anger ignores all positives while pretending a sense of loss, a loss based largely on false use rationalizations.
So how does a mind trained in recognizing and understanding recovery anger prevent it from harming us and the world around us? Chapter 11 on subconscious recovery provides a number of techniques for navigating a crave episode which may not peak for three minutes.
In that anxiety underlies both crave episodes and anger episodes, hopefully, they'll serve you well. Let me leave you with one exercise that may aid in generating the patience needed to move beyond anger.
Another day of freedom causes a sense of loss to collide with the likelihood of success. A spark is generated. It's time for patience, just one micro-second at a time.
Recognize the anger building within. Slow deep breaths. Understand what's happening and why. Realize that unless being physically assaulted, that only bad can come from unleashing your body's fighting chemicals. Anger is almost never a solution.
It reflects primitive impulsive instincts out of control. It carries strong potential to harm innocent victims, leaving emotional scars that may never fully heal.
If possible, sit down. Slowly close your eyes while taking slow deep breaths into the bottom of both lungs. Focus all concentration on your favorite color or object, or upon the sensations associated with inhaling and exhaling your next breath. Feel the cool air entering, and its warmth while slowly exhaling.
Baby steps, just one second at a time. Take another slow deep breath while maintaining total inner focus. Feel the sense of calm and inner peace as it begins to wash over you. As calmness returns, slowly open your eyes. Now, if you wish, respond to the situation with logic, reason and calm.[1]
How long will the anger phase last? As briefly or as long as we allow.
Clearly, knowledge can provide the insights needed to recognize transitions and hopefully react in healthy, non-destructive ways. It's what anger management is all about. Hopefully, understanding and acceptance will help accelerate emotional recovery. But if not, don't be disturbed as each step reflects normal emotional healing.
Fears, cycling emotions, an addict's relapse ploys, or feeling a sense of loss, recovery presents plenty of opportunities to encounter anger. We also need to remain mindful that normal everyday life produces anger too, even in never-users. At times, anger's causes may overlap and get tangled. Even then, we have it within us to fully control anger impulses, without harm to anyone.
Success at hand, where does the mind turn next? What is anger's ultimate solution? A debate is about to begin. How do we keep our cake while eating it too? But this isn't about cake. It's about a highly addictive chemical with tremendous impact upon our physical, subconscious, conscious and emotional well-being.
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