What is the surviving child of a smoking mother to think?

"Was mom's death an accident? It was printed on her cigarette packs that smoking kills." "Was it more like suicide, was mom stupid, or did she love her cigarettes more than me?"

A lesson driven home by Joel Spitzer in his free ebook "Never Take Another Puff," it isn't that millions of smoking mothers can't quit before the damage done passes the point of no return, but that they don't.

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), "in the United States, cigarette smoking is linked to about 80% to 90% of lung cancer deaths." The American Cancer Society (ACS) estimates that during 2021, 111,660 women were diagnosed with lung cancer, with 62,470 women dying from it.

Two daughters ages 11 and 21, Deborah Scott was a pack-a-day Marlboro 100's smoker who started smoking at 11 or 12. She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at 37 and died at 39.

Deborah had more warning than most. Her parents both smoked with her mom dying of lung cancer at 52 and her dad from emphysema at 63.

Deb's disturbing two-year cancer diary is shared at WhyQuit.

"What's it going to be like to leave my daughters, especially my youngest? Is she going to be ok without me? I don't want to die," she wrote. "I'd just like to be able to see my daughter graduate from high school, just live long enough for that. And that is sad."

Upon her passing, her youngest daughter Ariana went to live with Deborah's younger sister Laurie. Imagine being Ariana and trying to make sense of her mother's passing.

Thirty-nine seems awfully young to die of lung cancer. While the vast majority of lung cancer deaths occur among older smokers, 3% are under age 45, meaning that here in the U.S. there are more than a thousand stories like Deborah's every year.

A mother of three, Susan DeWitt started smoking in high school but was never a heavy smoker, smoking less than a pack-a-day. Diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at 39, two of her children, Gabrielle, then age 13, and Cody 19, documented their mother's four-year battle and passing in 3 videos.

Upon learning that mom had lung cancer, "I was scared to go to sleep that night," "I felt so helpless," "just so sad," recalls Gabrielle.

"I was crushed when I first found out the news," "just unbelievable," says Cody. "Coming home and having your family sit on the couch and tell you they have to tell you something. And then having them start crying, your father which you've never seen cry in your entire life."

"I mean, [I] think about that when I see people smoking," says Cody. "It's like, how could you do that to ... your kids?" "They always say that the hardest thing for a parent to do is to bury your child. The hardest thing for a kid to do is watch your parents die, slowly."

"I want my younger sisters to have a mom waiting for them after they get their diploma, helping them through all the hard times that they're gonna have." "My mom passed away and my sisters didn't get the chance to feel what I felt, graduating high school, getting an 'A' on a big test, on a final, getting into your college of your choice, opening that letter with the family saying that you're accepted into a college," says Cody. "That's something that you should do as a family."

"It's not too late," says Cody. "If I could say one thing to everybody out there it would be, when you pick up that cigarette ... think of your family's faces ... and you'd never want to leave them by themselves. That's what you're doing when you smoke. It could happen."

"Smoking doesn't help anything," adds Gabrielle. "I don't want to tell you what to do, but I don't know why anyone would smoke because it just tears your family apart and it makes you miss out on life."

The two Susan DeWitt music tribute videos, "My Mom" and "Lung Cancer - Just Stop It," lay bare a loving son's broken heart.

What if the child has no memory of their mother? No memories to break their heart, would that make growing up and coming to terms with why mom died easier or harder?

Noni Glykos was a pack-a-day Camel smoker who started smoking at age 14. Eighteen years later, at age 32, just 54 days after giving birth to her only child, a son, Noni was diagnosed with lung cancer. Four months later she was dead.

McKenzie Tarbox remembers her mom. Barb Tarbox was a pack-a-day smoker since the 9th grade. She was diagnosed with lung cancer at age 41 and died at 43. And like Deborah who lost both parents to smoking, Barb had more warning than most.

"Do you know, 19 years ago my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, a longtime smoker," recalls Barb Tarbox. "And her doctor, Dr. Tony Fields, said to me, 'Barb do you smoke?' And I said, 'Yes I do.' And he said, 'If you don't quit smoking I'm going to see you here in 20 years.'"

"And I stood there and I thought, no no no, I'm going to quit, but later, I'm going to quit. Well, 19 years later I have terminal lung cancer."

"I wish I had quit smoking. I wish I had never started. But I started. I didn't quit. I am dying 100% result of smoking."

"My daughter McKenzie is nine." "And the time has come for me to prepare her for my death because of the cigarette. And to say goodbye to her. I look at my daughter and I think, at nine I'd be so afraid not to have my mom. What happens when somebody hurts her feelings or she gets her first crush on someone, and when she graduates? I'm not going to see any of it."

It isn't that smoking mothers love smoking but that they don't like what happens when they don't. Again, it wasn't that Deb, Susan, Noni and Barb couldn't quit sooner but that they wouldn't.

Eight free resources to help mothers who smoke stop:

• “How to quit smoking” - A 14-minute tips video by Joel Spitzer.
• “Nicotine cessation tips” - Fifty tips by John R. Polito.
• “Never Take Another Puff” - A stop smoking ebook sharing 129 short articles by Joel Spitzer.
• “Smart Turkey” - A short nicotine cessation ebook (less than an hour’s read) by John R. Polito.
• Joel’s Library - Home to the 49-year life's work of Joel Spitzer.
• Joel Spitzer's Stop Smoking Video Library - Direct access to Joel Spitzer's nearly 500 YouTube video lessons.
• Freedom from Nicotine – The Journey Home - An in-depth 415-page nicotine dependency recovery ebook by John R. Polito.
• Turkeyville - A 15,000+ member education-oriented cold turkey support group featuring lessons from the above resources.

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