Desperate Addict's Parade: Page 5
If desperate, might a cigarette atop a public urinal look tempting?
As shared by OBob on Page 1, key to a lasting recovery is understanding and accepting who we were, REAL drug addicts in every sense. Brain scan studies teach us that just one puff and up to 50 percent of our brain's dopamine pathway receptors become occupied by nicotine. While most walk away from trying to cheat feeling like they've gotten away with it, it isn't long before they find their brain wanting, plotting to obtain or even begging for more. Far from some "nasty little habit," nicotine dependency is as real and permanent as alcoholism. Just one puff and it's back behind bars.
As you read these pages, ask yourself, am I a real drug addict? When ready, email us and share/add your own "Have you ever ..." experience these:
Here's my "Have you ever ... I have. I'm an addict" experience
#101 | 5 Feb 2004 | GeorgieGirl GOLD
Along the lines of the "hypnotism" subject also ...... I was 22 years old and decided I wanted to quit (for financial reasons really - being a student at the time and all!). Well - I bought one of those quit smoking tapes, with a 100% guarantee.... the one's that you are supposed to lie down, relax and listen to. One side of the tape was just talking and the other side was music with "subliminal" messages within it. So my boyfriend at the time and myself set ourselves up in our prone positions, played the tape and lay back ... listened ... expecting we would be non-smokers after listening to the tape. Every night for about a week we'd go through this ritual (we were still socially smoking as well mind!). On the last night of listening to this tape - we both sat up afterwards - looked at each other and burst out laughing! Got up - got into the car - drove to the nearest 24hour to buy cigs in the late hours of the night. We thought it was all a joke and it didn't work anyway - so therefore, solution - keep smoking!
Hmmm ..... at 36 years old now - I look back at that first attempt at quitting in my life ... how uneducated I was. How much of an addict I was ... and still am.
Georgia
#102 | 5 Feb 2004 | hmavmom
Have you ever stood outside in all kinds of weather just to get your fix?
Have you ever counted the seconds and anxiously looked around a room for a sign of another smoker or an exit?
Have you ever walked 5 blocks away from the school you work at so no students could see you while you poisoned yourself with cigarettes?
Have you ever left your child crying in their playpen so you could go outside to smoke?
Have you ever given birth and the first thing on your mind is having a smoke?
Have you ever had your wisdom teeth taken out and despite warnings of dry socket and other nasties choked one down depite being still half unconsious from the sedatives?
I have, Iam an addict.
Thank heavens these are all in the past. I too remember rolling butts in my teens. YUCK!!!
April - Free and Healing for Two Months, Twelve Days and 48 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 4 Days and 13 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1315 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $445.67.
#103 | 5 Feb 2004 | Lynn Andrews BRONZE
Have you ever had a tubal ligation because it was either that or quit smoking so you could take birth control pills and not have a stroke?
I have, because I am an addict. SO SAD!!!
Lynn - Free and healing for 3 weeks, 5 days
#104 | 6 Feb 2004 | Astonished04
Have you ever lied to an entire group of family and friends about why you were going outside?
Have you ever canceled plans because someone you didn't smoke in front of wanted to ride with you?
Have you ever not invited someone(s) to an event because you knew you couldn't smoke in front of them?
...I have! I have done all of those things and SO much more, because I am an addict! ...and a darned selfish one at that. 
This really makes you think... but we need to examine this side of our addicted-selves.
Carla - Free and Healing for Twenty Nine Days, 1 Hour and 6 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 3 Days and 12 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1017 nico-death sticks that would have set me back $129.77.
#105 | 6 Feb 2004 | wackylaurie
Have you ever.. gone through every purse you own, checked every coat pocket, check in every nook and cranny in your car, looked under all your furniture, gone through the trash,(to find a butt or two) in a feverish desperation to find a fix. And when you found that old ,stale, wrinkled up stub of a cigarette you felt like you had struck gold! I have!.... I'm an addict!
Laurie
One month, five days, 11 hours, 7 minutes and 8 seconds. 1093 cigarettes not smoked, saving $150.41. Life saved: 3 days, 19 hours, 5 minutes.
#106 | 6 Feb 2004 | Devla13
Have you ever...
stolen either money for cigarettes or cigarettes themselves from your parents, your friends, or some total stranger?
I have. I'm an addict.
Janet
3 months and 9 days ago, I quit smoking to save my life. BTW, I've also saved $454.69 by not smoking 2,020 cigarettes.
#107 | 6 Feb 2004 | Inland3
Have you ever smoked in front of your son that has asthma?
I HAVE, I'M AN ADDICT!
No Nicotine for 1 Month, 5 Days, 13 hours and 25 minutes(36 days). I have saved $182.79 by not smoking 1,827 cigarettes one day at a time. I have saved 6 Days, 8 hours and 15 minutes of my life.
#108 | 7 Feb 2004 | Andy (Silver)
Have you spent years buying one pack at a time because buying a carton would be admitting that you are going to smoke that much? I have. I am an addict.
Have you ever picked the bent ones out of the ashtray, straightened them, blow out the extra smell and smoked what was left even though it had lipstick on it and you don't wear any cause you're a guy? I have. I am an addict.
Andy
14 months and three days without that monkey on my back!
#109 | 7 Feb 2004 | SabineJadeBronze
Have you ever had an asthma attack while smoking, used your inhaler, and then relit the cigarette after you could breathe again? I have, many times.. I'm an addict.
Thank God and Freedom that I don't ever have to do that again!
Heather
I have been smoke free and living better for 3 Weeks, 2 Days, 6 hours and 9 minutes. I have saved $93.02 by not smoking 465 nasty cigarettes. Best of all, I have saved 1 Day, 14 hours and 45 minutes of my life.
#110 | 7 Feb 2004 | smurfetteirl
I have done alot of what some of you guys have said. How shameful when I think back. I must have been out of my mind especially smoking around my asthmatic son.
I'm an educated addict now, thank God.
Lynda.....free for 19 days
#111 | 7 Feb 2004 | ozeroc
Have you ever...
- harvested the leftover, nasty, tar-imbued tobacco from old cigarette butts and rolled your own?
- Dug through the trash past coffee grounds and other icky stuff because you remember you had thrown out a big butt?
- Used celophane tape to add an old filter to an unfiltered smoke so you could enjoy it more?
- Used stolen food stamps (from Mom's purse) to buy one apple to get the change to buy smokes?
- Took canned goods from your house back to the grocery store so you could have money for smokes?
I have because I'm an addict...
Oz
Green+5days...
#112 | 4 Mar 2004 | Jahunta
HAVE YOU EVER...
...had bronchitis so bad that you couldn't breathe, and went out into freezing cold weather just to get fixed?
...told yourself "This time, I'm going to quit!" and throw out a half a pack or more of smokes into the trash...outside...at work...have your first major crave, which couldn't have been more than an hour and go digging?
...not been sick, couldn't breathe, couldn't sing (even though you spent more than half your life training to be a first class musician), and couldn't care because you just had to have a fix??
I HAVE, I'M AN ADDICT!!
Two weeks, three days, 10 hours, 53 minutes and 55 seconds. 383 cigarettes not smoked, saving $86.39. Life saved: 1 day, 7 hours, 55 minutes.
Juanita
#113 | 4 Mar 2004 | kattatonic1 gold4
HAVE YOU EVER...
Spent years in denial that you are really an addict? Only buying one pack at a time instead of saving money on cartons (like Andy above... I thought I was the only one!) for about 20 years(!) because every pack is going to be the last pack?
Spent thousands of nights counting out how many cigarettes you have left, swearing you're not going to make the mad dash to the store in the middle of the night, so calculating: need 2 if I wake in the night and 2 in the morning before I can get to a sore, therefore, I must go to bed immediately after smoking my 5th-last cigarette, regardless of whether I have anything left in my day to do?
After finally admitting to yourself that you are an addict, stepping away from family gatherings to smoke so the nephews/nieces don't see you smoking, only to get really, really angry at other family members who come innocently with the children to find you... angry at them(!) because they knew you didn't want to smoke in front of the kids, because they should have known you were off feeding your demon?
I HAVE. I'M AN ADDICT.
~ Kay ~
Celebrating 2 Months, 11 Days, 5 Hours and 7 Minutes of Freedom.
Forsaking 1444 doses of poison has liberated $463.54 and 5 Days of my life.
#114 | 4 Mar 2004 | Liuchka
Have you ever...
being in a hotel in Bermuda, gone at 2 in the morning to the balcony of the room, knowing there was a giant cockroach outside (being a cockroach phobic) and stand there, in panic
, while smoking a cigarette?
I have. I'm an addict.
Cuca 
Free and Healing for Five Months, Fifteen Days, 14 Hours and 7 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 17 Days and 10 Hours, by avoiding the use of 5028 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $949.21.
#115 | 5 Mar 2004 | portaportb
Have you ever:
- made your way out of a funeral of someone that died at an early age from lung cancer caused by smoking so you could have a smoke ??
- torn the filters off of "light" cigarettes and smoked them as non-filters so you could get a good buzz off of them ??
I have. I'm an addict.
PortAPortB (John)
#116 | 20 Mar 2004 | KDJ23
Well here goes...
Have you ever taken a cigg break immeadiately after determining that the cleaner fumes from the bathroom (in which you are cleaning) are too dangerous to inhaile?
Have you ever smoked 5 ciggs in a row, taken a shower, and then pack some nic losenges just so you could go see the family for a couple of hours and not withdraw while craftliy keeping your addiciton secret?
I have. I am an addict.
Kristin
I have stopped nicotine for 6 days, 1 hour, 22 minutes and 23 seconds (6 days).
I've not smoked 121 death sticks, and saved $21.21.
I've saved 10 hours and 5 minutes of my life.
#117 | 23 Mar 2004 | Canadiangirl Laura
Have you ever......
-got in a big fight with your boyfriend because you didn't want to go on a two hour smoke free drive with his 5 year old niece in the car.
-then, fight about going to visit his parents because you can't smoke around them
I have. I'm and addict.
Laura
My name is Laura, and I am a nicotine addict.
I have stopped nicotine for 5 days, 18 hours, 50 minutes and 39 seconds.
#118 | 4 Apr 2004 | TrulyAri
Have you ever not gone on a church retreat because you knew you couldn't smoke for 48 hours or would need to sneak cigarettes.
Have you ever dug threw your old trash looking for butts big enough to give you a fix.
Have you ever lied to just about everyone about how much you really smoke (oh, only a few a day) when you really smoke more?
I have, because I AM AN ADDICT
Ari
9 days 1 hour without nicotine
#119 | 4 Apr 2004 | carvoiero gold
Have you ever lied to your kids about the smell of smoke in the house (from the open fire of course)
I have - I am an addict
Marion
Free and Healing for Twenty Five Days, 10 Hours and 28 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 7 Hours, by avoiding the use of 382 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me £85.94.
#120 | 4 Apr 2004 | Fong KK
Boy, how did you guys know what I have done all these years ??????????
Since I quit smoking, I stopped doing all that now. 
Fong
3 Weeks, 2 Days, 4 hours, 45 minutes and 1 second. 695 Cigarettes not smoked, saving $139.18. Life saved : 2 Days, 9 hours and 55 minutes
#121 | 27 Apr 2004 | screechwinter
Have you ever purchased stale, unfiltered cigarettes because they were the only ones left in the machine, and then taped filters from old cigarettes onto them just so you could get a fix?
I have. I'm an addict.
ahnaka
Two weeks, one day, 20 hours, 16 minutes and 45 seconds. 237 cigarettes not smoked, saving $62.39. Life saved: 19 hours, 45 minutes.
#122 | 27 Apr 2004 | Just Gie Gold
Have you ever:
Rolled 850 pennies with scotch tape and lined paper, walked to the gas station in the dead of winter with 850 pennies in your pocket to buy a pack? (Lucky my pants didn't fall off from all the weight) I have because I'm an addict.
Dumped coffee or other drink on your smoke, and sat with a lighter and dried it out because it was your last? I have, because I'm an addict.
Light the filtered end of your smoke by accident, turn it around, and continue? (Ptooey!) I have because I'm an addict.
angie- I have chosen not to smoke for 3 Months 1 Week 6 Days 3 Hours 20 Minutes 7 Seconds. Cigarettes not smoked: 833. Money saved: C$333.24.
#123 | 27 Apr 2004 | BIG AL GREEN x2
Not being able to smoke inside, have you ever walked out into the open during a severe thunderstorm (or worse yet, stood under tree), with lighting striking all around you, just so you could have a smoke?
I have, because I'm an addict.
Big Al
16 days
#124 | 27 Apr 2004 | redislegirl
Have you ever been at the hospital with your mother who has lung cancer, held her arm and pushed her IV bag as you walked her to the exit doors so that she could have a cigarette, and you had one with her?
I have because I AM A NICOTINE ADDICT
Pam nicotine free for 3wks 5 days 2hrs 27.min.
#125 | 27 Apr 2004 | jane kathryn
Have you ever smoked in the car on the way home after going to the emergency room for an asthma attack?
I have. I'm an addict.
But if I NTAP, I won't have to act like such a $%$# idiot again.
Jane K
Jane - Free and Healing for One Month, Eighteen Days, 13 Hours and 35 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 12 Hours, by avoiding the use of 728 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $182.49.
Knowledge is a Quitting Method
