Desperate Addict's Parade: Page 6
If desperate, might a cigarette atop a public urinal look tempting?
As shared on Page 1, this cold turkey support group parade was started by OBob at Freedom in 2002. OBob reminds us that vital to successful recovery is understanding that this isn't some "nasty little habit" but real drug addiction. Believing otherwise keeps us vulnerable to the illusion that we can learn to control use and become a social user. We can't. The purpose of this thread is to help us better understand who we became and who we are, real drug addicts in every sense.
Email us and share your "Have you ever ..." story.
Here's my "Have you ever ..." "I have. I'm an addict" experience
#126 | 27 Apr 2004 | JamieIsGoldNow
Have you ever picked cigarette butts up off the street because you were out of smokes and didn't have any money? It's not just the homeless that do this - I've done it because I'm an addict.
Jamie
I have been cigarette free for 3 Weeks, 2 Days, 23 hours, 17 minutes and 57 seconds (23 days). I have saved $215.72 by not smoking 1,438 cigarettes, and I have reclaimed 4 Days, 23 hours and 50 minutes of my life.
#127 | 28 Apr 2004 | emilie
Have you ever hidden around the side of your house to have a cigarette in the *middle* of the labour of your second child, after 24 hours nonetheless, before a transfer to hospital, because you lied to your midwife throughout your pregnancy about the fact that you *never* stopped smoking? I have because I'm an addict.
and can I just say.. that I planned a homebirth, but because of the length of labour, non progression and possible *distress* of my baby, did I decide to go to hospital... BUT I allowed myself to stop for ten minutes for a cigarette... now that is JUNKIE thinking, and acting.
*pats on the back to me for finally telling people something I've hidden for years*
Emilie - Free and Healing for Twenty Two Days, 20 Hours and 35 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 4 Hours, by not smoking 343 cancer sticks that would have cost me $97.24.
#128 | 17 May 2004 | TsRupe
HAVE YOU EVER:
had your small child tell you 'please be careful not to die!' with extreme fear written all over her face when you are about to light a sickorette...and yet you go ahead and light it anyway?
I have...
I'm an addict.
Tana
Free for 32 days and counting.
#129 | 1 June 2004 | IrishLotus GOLD
Have you ever puffed away even though you had such a bad attack of Bronchitis that you thought you were gonna cough up a lung?
I have, I am a nicotine addict.
BTW, I later found out somewhere here at FREEDOM, that the momentary sensation of relief I felt when I smoked while sick was due to the fact that tobaccco companies actually put "bronchio-dialtors" (chemicals that expand your airways so you can breathe deeper) into cigarettes so that you can inhale more nicotine and thus strengthen your addiction?!?!?
So happy I don't smoke anymore!
YQS~
Lotus
Sick and taking cough drops instead of cancer sticks for 616 days!
#130 | 1 June 2004 | TickTockGold
Have you ever lit a cigarette in front of your grandson, ( who was only 5 at the time) who asked you : Do you want to end up with only 50% of your lungs? And continue smoking it anyway? Plus 7 more years after that.
I have. I am an addict
Dina - Free and Healing for Two Months, Fourteen Days, 13 Hours and 21 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 6 Days and 13 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1889 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $682.12.
#131 | 8 June 2004 | windthrope
Have you ever smoked a cigarette in the shower?
Have you ever been a cab with someone, missing their throat, with needed to use one of those vibrating things to talk, and almost oblivious, did you light up and have a cigarette?
Have you ever picked your vacation destination by how lax the smoking laws are?
I have. I'm an addict.
but I'll Never take another puff
#132 | 8 June 2004 | jeroen
Have you ever -as a student- had the choice of either bying a pack of cigarettes or keep the money for food and chose the cigarettes?
Have you ever dumped someone you really liked because she was a anti-smoker?
Have you ever gotten out of bed while being very sick to get a smoke outside in you PJs in the middle of winter?
I have, I'm an addict
#133 | 22 June 2004 | screechwinter
Have you ever lit up on a very windy day, singed a fingernail, your eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair, and still continued to smoke?
I have because I am an addict.
ahnaka
Two months, one week, four days, 16 hours, 13 minutes and 19 seconds. 1090 cigarettes not smoked, saving $282.92. Life saved: 3 days, 18 hours, 50 minutes.
#134 | 8 July 2004 | Radarlady1
Have you ever been out with your son who suddenly falls ill and says he can't hardly breath, and lit up a cigg in the car on the way to the emergency room? Then, leave his bedside to go have a nico-fix, and get really really happy to find another smoker outside. (Meanwhile, pretending to be on the cell phone making an important call so that no one thinks I ditched my son and went outside only for a ciggarette.)
Have you ever left your kids home alone to run to the store for a pack of ciggs (when you otherwise don't leave them alone at all)?
Have you ever basically scheduled your whole life, and the lives of your family members around when, how, and where you could feed your nicotine addiction?
Shamefully, I have. And sadly, I thought it was my right to do so.
This quit is hard, but worth it.
Jennifer - Free and Healing for Fifteen Days, 22 Hours and 55 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 5 Hours, by avoiding the use of 638 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $103.78.
#135 | 18 July 2004 | smurfetteirl
i would have a cigarette outside in the cold on my balcony, some days well most days it is rainy and damp here, did you ever notice the stench of smoke that sticks to you when its damp outside? any hoo, i would smoke my cig really fast to get in out of the cold, usually during the winter there would be a pattern of me cooking for my toddler, and while i would leave it to cool, i would nip out for a smoke, come back in and feed him.......................can you imagine the unmerciful smell that would have been reaking from my hand as i picked up his little spoon and fed him, the same hand i held my cigarette in was the same hand i fed my baby with, so sad to look back at, shameful really.
never again
lynda
Free and Healing for Five Months, Twenty Nine Days, 18 Hours and 13 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 15 Days and 18 Hours, by avoiding the use of 4544 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me €1,400.90.
#136 | 19 July 2004 | Christy xs
Have you ever "repaired" your accidentally broken cigarettes with a piece of cellophane tape then forgot about the tape until you were inhaling burnt, melted tape as well as the tobacco? I did that almost everytime I broke a cigarette because I'm an addict.
Have you ever been at a party drinking soda or beer out of one can and using an empty can as an ashtray, then forgot which can was which? I have because I'm an addict.
#137 | 19 July 2004 | whynotmee1
Wow, these stories really hit home.....I never really thought about some of the things I did in order to have that smoke. This is a most read for everyone, then sit back and remember just a few awful things we did for cigarettes.
1] Have you ever took your kids money, money they got for there birthday or something to buy smokes? I think back now and wonder what they were thinking.
2] Have you ever walked 2 miles in a snow storm, because you couldn't drive the roads were to bad to get a pack of smokes. I did lots of times.
3] Have you ever visited someone you knew at the hospital who was dieing and you agreed to go smoke with them? What was I thinking?
4] Lost a job? Stoled? Lied? went hungry?
I know I degraded myself in ways I would of never done for anything else, so why did I allow smokes to do this? I was addicted! I thought smokes were my friend.
Thank goodness they didn't over take my entirer mind. One good reason to never take another puff: You deserve better!!!
Be proud of who you are. Keep the power of your own life. Thanks "Freedom" for reminding "ME" why I never want to take another puff!
DA-smoke free:10days
#138 | 15 Aug 2004 | Roger (Gold)
Each time I see this thread it brings back memories of my dumpster episode that OBob was so kind to link to his thread describing my desparate need for a fix.
This morning I read a post from Tracy and she made mention to Dumpster Diving for food. I think people will do just about anything if there need is great enough. To recover food from a dumpster or trash bin just may be life sustaining for someone in dire straits. To snatch a cigarette butt from a dumpster for a fix is addiction to its fullest.
At over 2 1/2 years into my quit, it still amazes me what an addcit will do for a fix. When I wrote my first post describing my efforts to retrieve my bestest friend from that cold and lonely dumpster that fatefull night in December, I left out a part, at the time I just couldn't mention. My decision to leave my friend to succumb to suffocation with the next load of garbage dropped on him was just not based on an intelligent decision that nicotine is harmful to my health. Today I cannot place in proportion what percent of my decision was based my knowledge that nicotine is detrimental to my health or based on the fact the shovel I described going to get to collect that butt was one in the same my wife and I used to clean up after our dog.
Regardless of what actually weighed the heaviest on my decision to let the butt be makes no difference because the outcome of that night is, I made the right decision. The fact that I was willing to use that shovel to retrieve a butt from a dirty dumpster to relieve my withdrawal symptoms proves how desparate an addict I am while actively feeding.
I did that because I am an addcit.
Roger
#139 | 16 Aug 2004 | Mocha
Oh goodness....
When I was a teenager and had to sneak my cigarettes in, it was one dark freezing night with snow reaching 2 feet high, I was in my robe and puffing away on the last cigarette I had when I dropped it and it feel under neith the porch.... I ran outside, BAREFOOT, in my robe, in the dark, in the snow to get my cigarette before it burned out! "luckily" it didn't fall into the snow (covered area) and i was able to get two more drags.
I've also picked up strangers butts.
Back then, I also took the screen off, opened my window wide so I could sneak my smokes.... I'd leave it open so the smoke could escape my room so my parents couldnt smell it... letting in these HUGE spiders... eventually we had a HUGE infestation of these spiders (anyone who lives in Washington state might know what spiders im talking about... enormous!)... that i slept upstairs on the couch.
Thats just a few of many examples.
Because Im an addict. Disgusting.
#140 | 21 Sep 2004 | CyberQuitter GOLD
Ok, how about this for monumental crass stupidity (I haven't mentioned this in previous posts as I've just been too darned ashamed to admit to it, but I'm facing up to it now):
Have you ever been diagnosed as being a Type 2 diabetic and advised to stop smoking IMMEDIATELY because of how it affects your blood sugar levels and done so. (Hooray!)
But then three months later thought "I can handle this, I'm not addicted any more, just one now and again, doesn't apply to me anyway, I'm ok now, it will help with my current stress" and had "just one" before being back up to a pack a day in no time for a further 2 YEARS?!?! (Oh, and LIED to your doctor and health care staff at the regular 6 month checkups during that period? )
I have. I'm an addict.
Peter - Free and Healing for Seventeen Days, 2 Hours and 10 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 4 Hours, by avoiding the consumption of 342 cigarettes that would have cost me £82.09.
#141 | 22 Sep 2004 | j a g 64
Oh gosh, I've been waiting for this one...
Have you ever lit your fingernail polish on fire trying to light a tiny used stub?
Burned off some hair and lots of eyebrows over the stove lighting a different but equally tiny previously-smoked stub?
Given a false excuse to drive alone for several hours (so you can secretly smoke in the car) to get to and from a field trip while your very witty and fun classmates are having a party in the school van without you?
Burned your little girl's arm by accident with your cig cherry?
Disconnected the smoke alarm because it was being "over-sensitive" to your smoke?
Or my most pea-headed offerring here...
Lit up in an area with possible lingering highly flammable fumes thinking "it's PROBABLY ok by now"????
I have because I'm an addict
Thank God I'm still alive and standing.
Janet
#142 | 19 Oct 2004 | Reywal22
I LOVE this post. I really needed to read this to remind me of why I've been going through what I have for the last 9 days. Today was tough. I've been bargaining with myself all day (as described in one of the articles I read). You know, telling myself "Just one, it' won't hurt. You can start over. You made it this far, you can go farther tomorrow." I didn't let my junkie thoughts win, but it sure has been hard. Then, I read this and remembered exactly why I quit. Well, here's a couple of choice disgusting things I've done:
Have you ever dropped your cigarettes in the rain and to dry them out microwaved them? I have. I'm an addict.
Have you ever dug through someone elses ashtray for a half smoked cigarette? I have. I'm an addict.
Have you ever lied to your significant other so many times about smoking that you just decided he wasn't as important as smoking - you'd rather live your life without being questioned constantly about smoking - oh, and by the way, not deal with the fact that he loved you? I have. I'm an addict.
Have you ever cut the tips off of cigarettes that weren't "your brand" to get a better nic hit? I have. I'm an addict.
Man, this makes me sick. These last couple of days have been really tough and I've felt pretty low, but not as low as I did during the times mentioned above.
Thanks!
Sabrina
Free and Healing for Nine Days, 9 Hours and 13 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 11 Hours, by avoiding the use of 141 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $24.64.
#143 | 27 Oct 2004 | evergimplieve
- Have you ever ordered a pizza delivered, not because you were hungry, but because they'd stop and get you cigs?
- I've dried out, taped up, and scraped together my smokes and my g/f's smokes. I've smoked buts, and burned my hair on the gas oven stove trying light tiny little butts of cigs.
- I've not visited sick and dying relatives because it was hard to smoke while at the hospital, and even harder to explain to them why you smoke when you see what it did to them.
- Ever pawned your favorite CD's, just so you could buy a couple of packs?
- Have you ever turned down a good job because the interview process was taking too long and you couldn't go out and have a smoke break.
- Have you ever driven 8 hours to a function by yourself because everyone else were in non-smoking cars.
- Lied to doctors, friends, fiance' and family about symptoms and fears I was having because I'd then have to give up smoking.
- Bummed smokes from complete strangers. A friend of mine was always amazed that smokers would just ask other smokers for cigarrettes.
I have, because I suppose I'm an addict. I've probably done much more disgusting things.. but I think I'm admitting to too much as it is.
Not long ago a smoker friend of mine wanted me to particpate in a bet. If you quit for a year the payoff was a grand.. The penalty was the same if you smoked. I told him no because I knew I'd likely cheat on it.. and feel guilty for decieving someone in a bet. He called me quite a few names indicating that he couldn't believe I wouldn't honor my committment. He then began smoking 2 weeks into his bet without fessing up.. All the while denying he was really breaking his word.
I'm not sure who was worse.. the one who would break his word to smoke, or the one who wouldn't particpate at all because knew he'd break his word, since he's an addict.
Or lied in on the stats on your cigarrette counter because you didn't really want to admit to smoking more than 20 smokes a day.
Free and Healing for Ten Days, 3 Hours and 21 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 16 Hours, by avoiding the use of 203 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $25.36.
#144 | 27 Oct 2004 | lizzy19595
Have you ever stood in a driving horizontal rain trying to get your nicotine fix ? ...pant legs soaked despite the umbrella [which was almost turned inside out from the rain].....I have....
Have you ever left a dear relatives' side [who was dying ] to go outside a get a fix.....I have.....
Have you ever smoked 2 or 3 cigarettes in a row knowing you wouldn't be able to smoke for a few hours and called it power smoking?....I have......
My name is Liz and for the last 28 years I have been a nicotine addict.
#145 | 28 Oct 2004 | ryde65 GOLD
Ok, I'll parade!
Have you ever smoked really old cigarettes that someone had left a long time ago at your house that weren't even your brand just because you ran out of your "fresh" ones? The ones that are so stale they just tasted awful, but you smoked them anyway? I have because I'm an addict.
Have you ever smoked in the same room as someone with lung problems (or the same car), because you thought you had the right...because it was your car or your home? Telling yourself that cracking that window or turning on that exhaust fan makes it ok? I have, because I am an addict, albeit, very ashamed one.
Have you ever burned a hole in your carpet, the backseat of your car or your own clothes? I have, because I'm an addict.
Have you ever put off doing something important so you could have those last few drags? Yeah, let's make sure the nail is in that coffin real tight before we proceed...I have, because I'm an addict.
Ok, that's enough for one setting...for any one person, in fact!!! As Bill Engvall would say...Here's your sign, Sue...nice work, you certainly earned it.
Sue = Not a single puff for 1 month, 14 days, 19 hours, 33 minutes and 23 seconds (45 days). I chose not to smoke 1434 cigarettes, and saved $305.30. I've added 4 day(s), 24 hour(s) back to my life.
#146 | 28 Oct 2004 | vonstev
Okay (gulp), here I go.
Have you ever ripped open a cigarette and EATEN the tobacco because you couldn't find fire anywhere?
I have.
Have you ever refused an invitation from a girl you REALLY liked to come up for nightcap because you, the closet smoker, had to rush home to get your fix?
I have.
Have you ever been cleaning your home and suddenly realized you had four lit cigarettes in four different rooms?
I have. Because I'm an addict.
Steve
79 days of not doing really stupid things
#147 | 28 Oct 2004 | Oliviadawg
Really scary how many of these I can answer "yes" to ...
Have you ever smoked even as you stayed home from work/school because of a hacking cough and sore throat? (Hey, the smoking actually makes the coughing stop a little bit. What do you know!) I HAVE. I 'm an addict.
Have you ever chosen your friends based on who would smoke with you? Invite your smoking friends before your nonsmoking friends? Hang out with a smoker you didn't really like because you didn't want to smoke alone? I HAVE. I'M AN ADDICT.
#148 | 28 Oct 2004 | haeraeoc35
Okay, some of these are very funny, but also so very true. I can't believe how many of these I have done. What the heck were we thinking. Anyway, I'm going to admit my shameful behavior too...
Have you ever been diagnosed with Bronchitis or Walking Pneumonia and continued to smoke (or hacked and smoked I should say)? I have, because I'm an addict.
Have you ever had to use inhalers because you couldn't breathe, but still continued to smoke? I have, because I'm an addict.
And, the most shameful (this one should keep me from smoking forever) for me is.... have you ever had to take your child to the emergency room because she's fighting to breathe because of asthma and continued to smoke around him/her? I have, because I'm an addict.
I'm so glad you put this post up. It just reinforces my resolve to remain smoke free. Thank you, Rae
#149 | 28 Oct 2004 | Pindan Pearl
When I was just a couple of weeks into my quit, this thread was active and it really helped me any time I was tempted to deny that I was in fact a drug addict, and it reminded me that people who are only in the "habit" of doing something, do not behave like this. All the above make great reading I think.
Yes I too have:
- re-rolled the re-rolls
- picked ends out of the trash/ garden/ ashtray
- burnt holes in my clothes
- smoked in the toilet of bars because I did not want friends to know I had relapsed
And probably the meanest and worst of all, I have felt relief at a friends relapse!!! so I would not have to smoke alone or lose the friendship, in effect wishing more years of misery upon them. Not because I am naturally a horrible persone, but because I'm an addict.
#150 | 7 Jan 2005 | Mel
I so needed this Parade today!
Have you ever said you were running to the store during a snow emergency and when questioned by your father (who was dying of lung cancer) what you needed from the store so badly that it couldn't wait you said "tampons" but you really were going for cigarettes and then when your father (who was dying of lung cancer) said that it was too dangerous for you to drive - that he would take you himself and you let him. I have because I'm an addict.
Have you ever smoked at your fathers funeral who died of lung cancer? I have because I'm an addict.
Have you ever smoked a cigarette so fast that you almost passed out? I have because I'm an addict.
Knowledge is a Quitting Method
