Desperate Addict's Parade: Page 7
If desperate, might a cigarette atop a public urinal look tempting?
As suggested by OBob on Page 1, how can we journey from point A to point B without knowing where we now stand? It's entirely normal to minimize and rationalize smoking, vaping or oral nicotine use. Flooded with sobering realities, these pages are filled with the truth about who we each became, real drug addicts in every sense.
If so inclined, email us adding your own personal "Have you ever ..." experience. Together, just one recovering addict at a time, yes we can!
Here's my "Have you ever ... I have. I'm an addict" experience
#151 | 18 Jan 2005 | GoldenDivamom1972
Have you ever....begged your boyfriend for smokes when you were in the hospital after giving birth? Worse yet, have you smoked them *in* the hospital room bathroom?! Yes, because I'm an addict.
Have you ever...dug through trash cans, ashtrays, more trash cans in search of half a smoke? Yup, because...I'm an addict.
Have you ever...dragged your kids out in a snowstorm to the nearest gas station because you just *had* to have your fix? Yes, because I'm an addict. (Even worse, the kids told my never-smoked mom the next day when we went to visit. I have rarely felt so ashamed.)
So glad that I'm free and clean and can remember the bad times with nicotine.
Amy
Free and Healing for Fourteen Days, 16 Hours and 41 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 12 Hours, by avoiding the use of 441 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $110.28.
#152 | 19 Jan 2005 | suzyhurley
Have you ever promised your children you were taking them to an event only to make them late because you needed that smoke before you could leave? I have, I'm an addict.
Have you ever blamed someone you love for the smell of smoke on you; belittling them for that filthy habit? I have, I'm an addict.
Have you ever promised yourself you would put that money back in the kids piggy bank after you took it out to buy cigarettes? I have, I'm an addict.
Have you ever found a 6-month old pack of cigarettes on a "hunt" and felt like it was Christmas and your birthday all rolled into one? I have, I'm an addict.
Thanks for this great thread. Grateful wouldn't even begin to describe how I feel!!
Suzy - Free and Healing for Sixteen Days, 21 Hours and 14 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 11 Hours, by avoiding the use of 422 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $63.36.
#153 | 3 Feb 2005 | Debbyj7
Have you ever taken someone else's snipe (my husband's word for a butt with some smoking room left on it) that has been rained on and is brown and wet, and burned your fingers trying to blow dry it in order to smoke it because you were totally desperate?
Have you every stolen a cigarette from someone's pack to get a fix and not looked at it as stealing?
Have you every ripped a cigarette from someone's mouth and run off with it to smoke it because they wouldn't let you have "just a puff" while you were trying to quit?
I did all three of these because I'm an addict.
#154 | 3 Feb 2005 | Connekeke1
Have you ever told your kids you quit, relapsed and then lied to them? Only to be caught with a lit nicotine stick that you couldn't lie your way out of?
Have you ever offered smokes to people you knew were trying to quit because if they smoked, too, you wouldn't feel like the only idiot?
Have you ever had to bundle up in coat, boots, hat, mittens and even wrap a blanket around your legs for warmth to smoke in the -35 (celsius) garage? In the middle of watching a movie with your spouse who had to wait while you bundled up, added some nails to your coffin and unbundled, only to cuddle up smelling like stale smoke?
Many times I've gone hunting for the longest butt, dumping out the beer bottle I'd been using for an ashtry, trying to find the least beer-soggy butt to smoke.
I did all those things because I'm an addict. Not someone with a nasty little habit.
An addict.
#155 | 3 Feb 2005 | waynzgrl1
This is a great string! I have a couple to contribute:
Have you ever dropped your pack into a lagoon inhabited by crocodiles and then made your husband dive in and retrieve them? (I swear this is true!)... I have, I am an addict.
Have you ever paid for your cigarettes with a collection of coins, none larger than a dime? I have, I am an addict.
- Amy
Free and healing 1 week 22 hours 17 minutes and 21 seconds. I have saved 9 hours and 50 minutes of my life and $27.35 by not smoking 118 cigarettes. My quit date 01/25/2005.
#156 | 8 Feb 2005 | Xinian
Boy this is one of those posts that ALL OF US can relate to.
All i will say is that early on during my trying to make it through the 3 days phase, i would still buy cigarettes.
I would always smoke one or two and then the feelings of guilt would wound me.
So i would take the remaining cigarettes from the pack soak them in water then put them in the bin. How long before my junkie mind was craving again.
Well here's a tip from a budding chef.
1) Take one water logged, nicotine stained cigarette from out of the garbage.
2) Place directly on the middle shelf of a preheated oven at 190 Degrees C.
3) Cook for approximately 5 minutes, or until crispy.
4) Light up the now 'Well done and brown' cigarette and enjoy !!!!!!!!
Actually a cigarette smoked in this way tastes fouler than anything you have experienced. The smoke is harsh, the taste is disgusting and the head rush it gives you is enough to make you want to throw up.
I did this a couple of times to satisfy my inner junkie, but after realising how low i was stooping to get my fix, decided that after soaking them i needed to crush them into pieces.
I have done most of the other things to satisfy my craves, but just wanted to share this experience with my quit buddies.
Xin
About a month quit now and it's true it does get easier!!!
#157 | 26 Feb 2005 | Cedric Gold
- Skipped vacation with family to stay home and smoke (closet smoker)?
- Stayed late and/or worked week-end at work because you can smoke there and not at home (closet smoker)?
- Cough so hard that you passed out while having a cigarette (sick with bronchitis)?
Cedric - Free and Healing for Three Months, Thirteen Days, 3 Hours and 10 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 5 Days and 10 Hours, by avoiding the use of 1562 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $270.60.
#158 | 8 Apr 2005 | joyousAnaisfree
have you ever dropped your pack out of a 4 story buidling window, run downstairs, and looked until you found it rather than have to get up the next day without cigerettes, (stores closed) thought nothing of it and could not understand why everyone else thought you were crazy?
I have. Im an addict.
have you ever, as a strugglinig single parent, have credit at local stores for the essentials: milk, diapers,cigerettes?
I have. Im an addict
Have you ever made sure you knew who all the smokers were in a setting, who smoked your brand and made sure you made friends with those people (people you didnt even like) just in case ?
I have. Im an addict.
Ana, who is sure shes an addict - free from nicotine Twenty Two Days, 3 Hours and 7 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 1 Day and 12 Hours, by avoiding the use of 443 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $66.45.
#159 | 8 Apr 2005 | Caryfree45
id you ever learn how to repair a broken cigarette without any tape ?
I was a pro at this one because I spent many years as a closet smoker & would attempt to hide one in a pocket until I could get a few minutes by myself. Frequently by that time it would have broken.
Addicts can be very creative & resouceful. I should know because I am one.
Cary
#160 | 8 Apr 2005 | TsRupe
Have you ever:
- Bought cigarettes instead of food for your family?
- Disabled a fire alarm in a public building so you could light up?
- Smoked despite a family member's respiratory difficulties?
- Held your infant child while smoking?
I have...because I am an addict. I have endangered myself
and others just to get a fix. Never again. I choose freedom.
NTAP!
Tana
Eleven months, three weeks, four days, 20 hours, 57 minutes and 16 seconds. 14394 cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,943.54. Life saved: 7 weeks, 23 hours, 30 minutes.
#161 | 12 Apr 2005 | ElevenPinkFlowers
Have you ever ...
been caught without any cigarettes, without any coins to feed the machine, too late at night to wake a neighbour at the student hall of residence, and got so stuck with the idea of having to smoke ...
that you took a few brown leaves off your pot plant, crushed them, rolled your own and smoked it??
How absolutely stupid I was! But yes: I have, I am an addict, but thank Goodness, I am an educated addict now.
#162 | 12 Apr 2005 | McClain
Have you ever......
Completely embarassed your family by throwing a fit at the hotel clerk because nobody told you that the hotel was all smoke free.
Then on the same trip decided you were going to smoke in your vehicle with your children in it, in the middle of January, in Upper Michigan, so you roll down the window and guess what it..... it stays down!!!!!!! My family had to freeze until we found a garbage bag and duct tape to temp. fix it.
NTAP!!!!!!!!!
Kimberly
#163 | 12 Apr 2005 | RickD
Have you ever walked 8 miles home because you didn't have enough money for the subway AND smokes.
Rick
Free for 115 days. Working on day 116
#164 | 12 Apr 2005 | LeighFree
- Have you ever chosen staying home smoking to doing something with a non-smoker boyfriend that you think you're in love with?
- Have you ever smoked directly after you got your wisdom teeth pulled out?
- Have you ever convinced a friend that quitting is not the right thing to do because you didn't want to face your addiction?
I have because I am an addict.
Jennifer
8 days smoke free
#165 | 12 Apr 2005 | cherylmcc
This is my favorite thread without a doubt. I'm double dipping here, but I just remembered another low point for me.
My brother and I once smoked copenhagen out of a bong. Yowza, that'll make you green about the gills. Why? Because we were desperate addicts, of course! We didn't have any cash, but we could find both a bong and some chew that someone had left at the house. Yick.
Steve -- if you're checking in, my selling pants for smokes post can be found at #156 (I think) in this thread. Warning: it's not for the meek.
Cheryl
Nicofree for over 10 months now
#166 | 23 Apr 2005 | johnnynonic
Have you ever laughed out loud because you have done so many of the things in this string to get nicotine? I have because I am a nicotine addict.
Have you hung your head in shame because you have done so many of the things in this string to get nicotine? I have because I am a nicotine addict.
Have you devoted unknown amounts of time and energy to avoid putting yourself in the position of being without nicotine and having to do the things listed in this string? I have because I am a nicotine addict.
Have you stood ouside the hospital smoking as your father died from lung cancer, and then still smked for another ten years? I have because I am a nicotine addict.
I will never have to do these things again, because I am FREE and I shall NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.
I have been quit for 3 Weeks, 5 Days, 21 hours and 15 minutes (26 days). I have saved $117.35 by not feeding on 483 nicotine delivery devices. I have saved 1 Day, 16 hours and 15 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 3/26/05 11:00 PM
And I'm glad we didn't have the trade your pants for smokes program in my part of the worldor I'd have frozen off some of my anatomy. ODAT-NTAP
#167 | 30 Apr 2005 | ocean gold
Have you ever "checked the mail" in the lobby every night to sneak half a smoke ... while pregnant. Poor me .. I now know I went through withdrawal for 10 months of pregnancy by limiting myself to a couple of smokes a day.
I have. I'm an addict.
Have you ever walked your IV outside the hospital to get a nic fix?
I have. I'm an addict.
Have you ever thought you got away with so many cigs that you now know you didn't because you must have reeked of smoke?
I have. I'm an addict.
Julia
Active addict for 27 years. Broke free 2 months 3 days ago.
#168 | May 24 2005 | John (Gold)
Man leaps from speeding
car in pursuit of a puff
Drunk went out window after cigarette blew away, Ark. police say
The Associated Press
Updated: 11:35 a.m. ET May 24, 2005
FOREMAN, Ark. - A leap of faith proved hazardous for a smoker in need of a cigarette fix after a night on the town.
Jeff Foran suffered trauma to his nose, eyes and chin after jumping from a car traveling 55-60 mph. Authorities said he was trying to retrieve a cigarette blown out of the passenger-side window.
Foran, 38, took the leap Saturday night, state police Trooper Jamie Gravier said.
The driver of the car, Jerry Glenn Nelson, said Foran had asked him earlier in the evening to be a designated driver after a night of drinking.
"Nelson said Foran was smoking a cigarette when it blew out the window and Foran jumped out the window to retrieve the cigarette. Nelson said he was driving between 55 and 60 mph when Foran jumped out," the trooper said.
"Foran did the right thing and asked his buddy to drive him home," Gravier said. "It was obvious he was extremely intoxicated."
Gravier added: "If anything could make him stop smoking, this should be it. The man is lucky to be alive."
© 2005 The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved
#169 | 17 June 2005 | Tanya929
I have done so many of these things also, probably ninety percent. I have never had financial issues, if I had it probably would have been one hundred percent. One of the reasons I gave up smoking, the main reason, was to regain control over my life. Great thread, it shows how much nicotine is an addiction and us addicts are totally out of control. Thanks for reinforcing my quit, It needs constant encouragement!
I have been quit for 1 Week, 2 Days, 19 hours, 39 minutes and 6 seconds (9 days). I have saved $103.09 by not smoking 392 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Day, 8 hours and 40 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 6/6/2005 10:30 PM
#170 | 20 June 2005 | ChristyMay1977
I just read through this entire thread. I too related to many of these things that we addicts have done... so here's my 2 cents:
Have you ever climbed up to the top of a really steep hill many times a day to have a cigarette because that's the only place you were 'allowed' to smoke at camp? Then, years later, at that same camp, after lying on the application to be a counsellor
by saying that you don't smoke, have you ever 'volunteered' to 'supervise' the campers while they go for their smoke? Have you ever bummed cigarettes off the campers and then begged them not to tell the camp director that you were smoking too? I have, (and it was a Christian camp)... because I am an addict!
Have you ever taken the pain of going outside for a smoke after having surgery? I have, I found out I was pregnant, and so naturally I quit... only to discover it was ectopic and needed to be removed. Great excuse to relaspe, despite the pain of getting up and down off the couch where I was recovering, I went out for my fix... why the heck not, I wasn't pregnant anymore, and I am an addict!
Have you ever quit smoking, and made yourself cry saying that you were missing your sister (she died in 1997) just so you could justify having a smoke without people thinking you were weak... "i can understand why she needs to smoke, the loss of her sister was terrible" -- true, but now I know there is no excuse to relapse... but I didn't then, I am an addict.
There are so many more, they have all been said. But the reminder of what I was, and where I came from will ensure that I will never go back. I have to say, this is by far my favourite thread, not to mention the most inspirational! I will visit often.
Kisses,
Christy xx
I have been quit for 2 Months, 1 Week, 1 Day, 1 hour, 30 minutes and 50 seconds (69 days). I have saved $357.74 by not smoking 966 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Days, 8 hours and 30 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 2005-04-11 10:00 PM
#171 | 19 Aug 2005 | GoldenDivamom1972
Some more "desparate addict" moments...
Lied to my dad about the smell in my car. "No Dad, I've got friends who smoke..." (mid-summer, 1990)
Lied to the parents *again*. "No! My work partner smokes, not me!" I worked at a gas station by myself, smoking the whole night. (winter 1991)
Quit smoking after developing nasty upper respiratory infection. Smoking during that illness literally made me throw up. Two weeks later, feeling much better after a round of antibiotics, I relapsed. I didn't see it that way at the time, it seemed completely normal. (again, winter 1991)
Huddling with a group of fellow addicts WAAAAY in the back of the factory, outside, in the cold, collectively sneaking our fixes shortly after our company declared the property smoke-free. (1995)
Ducking into the bathroom at work with my fellow addicts, feeding our addiction in a no-smoking zone, telling each other that those "whiny" non-smokers could just take a hike! Even sillier, believing that we were somehow hiding our actions. First clue of failure--you could smell the smoke from 10 feet away, and see it curling under the door at about 5 feet. No joke. (1996-2003)
Borrowed the parents' car for a 90 minute trip during one of my failed quits. I blew this particular quit in the parking lot of a shopping center in Kendallville, IN on my way to meet my parents at the bluegrass festival just down the road. The worst part of this one--practically threatening my young children not to tell my parents about my relapse. I spent the majority of this weekend volunteering for garbage duty (nice long walk to the dumpster--perfect feeding opportunity) and hunching down behind my tent--all for a puff that I now know could be smelled in the next county. (2002)
Was I really this stupid?! No, merely an addict. One that has now been free from the chains of drug addiction for seven months, two weeks, one day, 16 hours, 17 minutes and 8 seconds.
Blessings,
Amy--Silver+Green
227 days
#172 | 24 Aug 2005 | ivanochiki007
When my son was still a baby, I sometimes smoked with him on my arms, standing near the wide-opened balcony door. Or I put him in his crib and let him cry, while I quickly ran to the balcony for a cigarette. And it was cold Canadian winter!!
Ivano - very happy to be quit since 140 days
#173 | 23 Nov 2005 | MareBear GOLD
I can't believe I never posted to this thread.
Have you ever...
- Flicked the ashes of your cigarette out the window and have the head fall off and come in the back window, burning the arm of your best friend's baby who's strapped into his carseat in the back? And both of you laughing about it since you're both smoking at the time?
- Been sitting at a nice outdoor cafe, waiting for the server to come back with your ashtray, and when she still hasn't returned by the time the cig is burned to the filter, you decide to just drop your cigarette over the balcony to the sidewalk below...only you didn't notice that another patron had tied their dog to the balcony directly below where you're sitting so you burn the poor dog?
- Tape over the little holes poked in the filter of "light" cigarettes so you'll get more smoke for your buck?
I have. I'm an addict.
But I've been free and healing for 3 Years, 5 Months, 3 Weeks, 5 Days 16 Hours.
I could've paid for my honeymoon with the amount of money I've saved on cigarettes since I quit.
MareBear
#174 | 22 Dec 2005 | gavula
I think I've posted this before, but I used to get blinding migraine headaches- literally could not see. And I had my boyfriend put my robe and jacket on in mid-December and lead me outside to stand in the cold. He lit the cig for me, and leaned my against the side of the house before running inside to wait where it was warm.
Blind and in tremendous pain I smoked because I'm an addict.
Anna
#175 | 23 Dec 2005 | tallmama
I vividly remember having my husband and dad push me downstairs and outside in a wheelchair within less than an hour of giving birth to have a cigarette that I "deserved". I thought that this was a vast improvement upon the first time I gave birth and actually WALKED downstairs and outside to have a cigarette....nearly passed out that time. I was so much "wiser" the second time around, eh? The sad thing is, I have stories worse than these because...
I am an addict.
-Tallmama
Two weeks, three days, 19 hours, 59 minutes and 48 seconds. 356 cigarettes not smoked, saving $71.33.
Knowledge is a Quitting Method
