Relapse rationalizations reflect the thoughts and arguments seized upon by the conscious mind as it contemplates relapse to using.
We reviewed three relapse rationalizations in Chapter 4:
Let's dig deeper.
- "I need relief from stress."
Sorry but stress needs stressing. Probably the most deeply ingrained use rationalization of all, recall that the belief that nicotine is a stressbuster was listed as a recovery delay rationalization too.
As for relapse, should crisis come calling, it's very possible that your very next thought would be that "nicotine use would calm things down."
Don't buy it. As explained in Chapter 4, the reason you have so many memories of feeling calmer immediately after using when super-stressed is that stress accelerated removal of nicotine from your bloodstream. You'd been thrown into early withdrawal.
What you felt was satisfaction of an immediate need for a new supply of nicotine. The underlying stressful situation remained untouched and unchanged.
Aside from satisfying your chemical dependence, like counting to ten, the time needed for replenishment gave you a couple of minutes to calm down. But if beyond physical withdrawal, your stressbuster belief is 100% memory-driven. Absolutely nothing is missing, and nothing is in need of replenishment.
- "I'm gaining too much weight."
While totally within our ability to control, a few extra pounds during recovery are likely unless we diminish calorie intake or increase activity. But what if weight gain reaches a point where we begin seeing and thinking of relapse as the solution?
From increasing the intensity of stressful situations to diminishing impulse control, from controlling our priorities to damaging self-esteem, nicotine robs us of the "real" us. Inhaling a toxin is not the answer. You are!
One ounce and pound at a time, many of the exact same tools you're using to end nicotine use can be applied to weight control.
Yes, recovery resolve can be diminished or destroyed by reaching for extra food as a substitute for nicotine. And yes, significant weight gain can serve as an addict's ploy to try and justify relapse to themselves or others.
I've shed nearly 5 pounds over the past 7 days (as of 07/22/20). While I clearly won't be able to keep up that pace, I promise that I shall "endeavor to preserve." Why? Because I'm embarrassed. Because I allowed myself to get too big.
Weight control isn't about fad diets. It's about developing mindfulness as to the consequences of calories consumed and spent until awareness becomes second nature. That's why I grew. The depth of my mindfulness clearly wasn't deep enough.
In less than 2 years, it was as if I'd forgotten that the average 50 calorie cookie takes a 180-pound person a half a mile of brisk walking to burn. I started filling and emptying the cookie jar.
I ended weight awareness. I stopped stepping on bathroom scales the first thing each morning, then and there reflecting on the previous day's levels of consumption and activity. Out of mind, out of sight, it was a recipe for gradually adding demoralizing pounds.
Why wait until your favorite clothing no longer fits? Been there, done that.
My most recent mindfulness realization is that a significant portion of weight control begins and ends in the grocery store. Why? Because if I bring home processed, sweet, or high carb foods they're certain to get eaten, while fruits and veggies are ignored and go bad.
Unlike nicotine cessation, which is all or nothing, with weight control it's okay to indulge or rest now and then, so long as we learn from the experience and our positive trend continues.
See Chapter 6 (Recovery Weight Gain & Control) and Chapter 9 (Hunger & Appetite) for additional weight discussions.
Baby steps, just one ounce at a time, just here and now, yes you can!
- "Withdrawal and my symptoms will never end!"
Another common relapse ploy is to blame withdrawal and temporary symptoms of recovery for submission and caving.
Frankly, it's a lie. They will end. In fact, the only way to end urges and cravings is to muster the commitment to move beyond them.
If in need of new crave coping skills review Chapter 11 (Subconscious Recovery). Skim Chapter 9 if any symptom persists. And don't hesitate to contact your doctor or pharmacist if at all concerned about any ongoing symptoms.
You've come far and invested much. Don't allow any symptom to threaten what may soon be looked back upon as one of your greatest personal accomplishments ever.
- "I'm mad that I can't smoke anymore."
Such thinking isn't uncommon during early recovery and can be related to the anger phase of the sense of emotional loss covered in Chapter 10. It's also seen when told to stop using by a doctor or loved one, or when feeling compelled to end use due to a health condition, pregnancy, or finances.
Regardless of any initial reluctance, if allowed, like watching a flower bloom, imagine a journey from anger to "like" or even a "love" of at last being free. While we cannot stop for others, including the unborn, there's nothing stopping us from beginning to make this journey ours. What it takes is a mind willing to see and appreciate the gifts that recovery bestows.
- "I don't feel any better since stopping."
Such thinking takes root when recovery's pace seems too slow or the benefits don't show. Reality is, far fewer toxins, the body is in super repair mode whether felt or not. Whether a missing wheeze or cough, improved sleep, better circulation, greater relaxation, an improved sense of smell or taste, fewer medications, or countless other benefits, whether noticed or not, your body is healing.
Whether you are able to shed all remaining relapse rationalizations or not, remember, it's impossible to fail so long as all nicotine remains on the outside. Just one determining principle: none today!
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