"Help me, I'm pregnant and smoking!"

Please God, allow her to see the way home. Awaken her to the realization that by filling the beautiful, beautiful brain you gave her with knowledge and understanding, that she can easily become vastly wiser than her dependency is strong.

What’s done is done — but what happens next is still in your hands.

If pregnant and still using nicotine, you may feel frightened, ashamed, or desperate to stop immediately. If that’s you, take a breath. You are not weak, and you are not alone. What you’re experiencing is addiction — and addiction can be understood, and arrested.

It is not unusual for pregnant women to be consumed by fear and guilt for still smoking or vaping. If that is you, I have some good news and bad news.

The bad news is that nicotine is a poison and tobacco smoke is filled with hundreds of toxins and scores of carcinogens. The good news is that by learning why your dependency seems so powerful, you are going to put yourself in a position to become far, far wiser than your dependency is strong.

To succeed, you must keep your mind open. Avoiding denial, allow yourself to learn as much as possible about nicotine dependency, your subconscious, motivation, and the dynamics of dependency recovery.

As you will learn, it is not a question of willpower. It is not a question of being weak. It is not a question of being bad. You are addicted. It's as simple as that. You are an addict. But take heart. What you don't yet realize is that your dependency is not nearly as smart as you are, nor is it nearly as strong as you think it is.

In the end, the key will be in shifting motivation. It is not just about quitting for the baby. It's about quitting for you and for the baby. It is about breaking free of bondage for both you and for the baby.

To get there, you need to understand why quitting for the baby often fails.

Why "Quitting for the Baby" Fails

Upon learning she's pregnant - often with a strong desire to protect her child - a nicotine dependent mom can quickly set herself up for failure by immediately establishing a quit-for-the-baby recovery motivation mindset. But why?

While well intentioned, the quit-for-the-baby mindset establishes an emotional recovery bargain or deal that ignores the truth that nicotine dependency and recovery are about the addicted mother's chemical needs. Quitting for the baby roots the attempt in self deprivation and sacrifice, a recipe for relapse.

Once addicted, the body demands nicotine. It is not about rational thought. It is not about moral fiber. It is about a drug addiction. It is about dependency. And it is about what happens when nicotine levels in the blood begin to decline.

Regardless of the desire to protect her baby, when nicotine levels begin to fall, the addicted mom-to-be will likely feel withdrawal. And as you have learned throughout this book, the onset of withdrawal can trigger powerful thoughts, urges and cravings to use nicotine.

Those cravings are not about the baby. They are about the mother's brain and body needing nicotine. And when those cravings hit, the quit-for-the-baby motivation bargain begins to crack.

The craving moment is the moment that matters. It is the moment when the mother's motivation will be tested. It is the moment when the subconscious mind will begin to whisper that "one won't hurt" or "I'll quit again tomorrow" or "I can smoke just a few" or "I'll cut down" or "I'll just use light cigarettes" or "I'll switch to vaping" or "I'll use nicotine replacement." It is the moment when denial and rationalization begin to take center stage.

If the mother's quit motivation is based solely on the baby, then in that moment, smoking becomes a way to relieve her discomfort, her anxiety, her stress, her withdrawal. And when she takes that puff or hit, she immediately feels relief. The craving ends. And the subconscious mind learns a powerful lesson: nicotine works.

In that moment, the mother's guilt increases. She may feel like she has failed the baby. And because the baby is the focus, she may now feel unworthy, ashamed, and hopeless. And those feelings can become yet another trigger to smoke.

As you can see, the quit-for-the-baby bargain can backfire.

The key is to understand that nicotine dependency recovery is about the mother. It is about her freedom. It is about her health. It is about her life. It is about her being able to be there for her child, now and in the future. And yes, it is also about protecting the baby.

But to succeed long-term, motivation must belong to the mother.

Only about half of women "claim" they were able to quit smoking during pregnancy.[1] But even these numbers are likely inflated due to false reporting.

Researchers conducting third-trimester blood tests discovered that 25% of women who claimed to have quit were still smoking.[2] That means that only about 37% of pregnant smokers actually quit during pregnancy.

Why is quitting so hard during pregnancy? Because nicotine dependency is powerful. Because the subconscious mind is powerful. Because the body demands nicotine. And because fear, guilt and stress can fuel relapse.

So, how do you win?

You win by becoming wiser than your dependency is strong. You win by filling your mind with knowledge and understanding. You win by learning the truth about nicotine, about addiction, about withdrawal, about cravings, about triggers, about coping, and about motivation.

You win by getting excited about recovery and the glorious beauty of nicotine-free motherhood.

Motivation Shifting

Most mothers know that inhaling nicotine while pregnant is harmful. But knowing isn't enough. Knowledge without deep understanding is not enough. Understanding is the key. Understanding is what changes behavior.

Motivation shifting is about changing the focus from "quitting for the baby" to "freedom for me and my child." It's about recognizing that recovery isn't about suffering and punishment but navigating a temporary period of healing and readjustment. You are arresting your dependency to protect yourself and your child. You are coming home to reclaim your life and health.

It is about realizing that the baby needs a healthy mom. It is about realizing that your child will need you for years and decades to come. It is about realizing that freedom from nicotine is one of the most loving gifts you can give to yourself and your child.

It is also about realizing that you cannot use nicotine safely during pregnancy. There is no safe nicotine. There is no safe cigarette. There is no safe vape. There is no safe dip. There is no safe chew. There is no safe replacement nicotine.

It is about realizing that nicotine is a poison, and that the safest course is to end nicotine use completely.

But what about stress? What about anxiety? What about withdrawal? What about fear?

You will learn that stress does not require nicotine. You will learn that anxiety does not require nicotine. You will learn that withdrawal is temporary. You will learn that cravings peak and pass. You will learn that you can cope. You will learn that you can win.

What about cutting down?

Many pregnant smokers try to cut down. They try to reduce the number of cigarettes. They try to switch to "light" cigarettes. They try to smoke only a few. They try to smoke only when stressed.

But cutting down keeps nicotine receptors active and keeps cravings alive. Cutting down often prolongs withdrawal and keeps the brain in a constant state of want.

The safest and most effective path is to stop completely.

What about nicotine replacement therapy?

Some pregnant women consider nicotine gum, patches, lozenges, inhalers or sprays. Many assume that nicotine replacement is safer than smoking.

While it reduces exposure to many smoke toxins, nicotine replacement still delivers nicotine, a drug that impacts fetal development. And it can keep addiction alive.

Also, as discussed earlier in this chapter, nicotine replacement has not shown strong effectiveness.[19]

Most importantly, any decision about nicotine replacement during pregnancy should be made with your physician.

But do not let your dependency use nicotine replacement as a rationalization to keep using nicotine.

What about depression?

Pregnancy and postpartum life changes can be emotionally challenging. Depression and postpartum depression are real concerns. Smoking is not a solution. Nicotine is not a treatment.

It does not fix depression. It does not cure anxiety. It does not heal fear. It only feeds addiction.

If you are experiencing depression or anxiety, please seek professional help. Your physician can assist you in finding support and treatment options that are safe during pregnancy.

Among studies reporting new cases of depression arising after childbirth, 6.9% of 280 new moms in Israel reported postpartum depression at 6 weeks,[13] 8.4% of 205 mothers in Finland reported postpartum depression at 6 weeks,[14] 10% of 1,160 new moms in the U.K. reported postpartum depression at 6 weeks,[15] and 16.5% of 541 new moms in Chile reported postpartum depression at 6 weeks.[16]

As you can see, depression can occur. It is important to seek help when needed.

And it is important to recognize that nicotine is not the answer.

Knowledge is Power

Knowledge and understanding are extremely effective recovery tools. When you understand what is happening, you are no longer confused. When you understand cravings, you are no longer afraid of them. When you understand withdrawal, you are no longer trapped by it.

You begin to see the truth. You begin to see the path home.

You begin to see that you can do this.

You are stronger than you think.

You begin to see that your dependency is not nearly as strong as you think it is.

You begin to see that you can become vastly wiser than your dependency is strong.

It's my hope that this article has helped alert you to the importance of knowledge and understanding as extremely effective recovery tools. The highest known pregnancy cessation rates continue to be associated with "counseling and behavioral interventions."[20] It's what I refer to as "smart turkey."

It's my dream that you'll continue reading, continue learning, and continue growing stronger and stronger with each new understanding.

And as you do, please remember, there is only one rule: no nicotine today, to never take another puff!

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